Have you ever stood back and questioned everything that you’re trying to create? I have. Often actually. I think its a very real – and possibly somewhat healthy – part of the artistic process. The road to an artistic product is filled with ups and downs; sometimes you’re going to be ecstatic about your music and sometimes you’re going to question it. If you keep moving forward though, you’re going to create some music.
Unfortunately, I’ve recently been in one of those downs, and I’ve been questioning myself and my music.
As I’ve been playing more Brazilian music, looking for ways to integrate it into the bajo y clave project, I’ve had a very interesting realization. The guitar has a major role in Brazilian music, much more than it occupies in Afro-Cuban music. As a result, much of this music lays nicely on the bass guitar, and it sounds good. Combining chords and bass lines in a two handed tapping technique works well, and it lends itself to the arranging process with a bit of ease. This fact has made working with Brazilian music pretty fun and I’ve been pleased with the results.
This sets up an equally interesting and somewhat frustrating comparison with Afro-Cuban music though. Whereas Brazilian music uses the guitar and everything translates nicely, Afro-Cuban music prioritizes the piano; it’s been a little more of a challenge. The guitar has a role – especially when you talk about the Cuban tres – but it’s not as prevalent as the piano. I’ve found ways to translate the ideas played by pianists but it’s been a struggle. The more that I work with this two handed tapping technique, the more I see that I just can’t recreate exactly what pianists play.
So now, I’ve realized that I can’t really emulate the piano in this context. I’m going to need to make changes, playing ideas inspired by the piano in a more guitaristic way. That’s frustrating.
I’ve been trying to create a context where the bass emulates the whole rhythm section. I’ve already made some concessions and admitted that I’ll need a percussionist or two; don’t get me wrong – I LOVE playing with good drummers, but it just wasn’t part of the original goal. Now I’m realizing that I won’t be able to integrate the piano in the way that I had imagined. I’m going to have to make another alteration and move in yet another new direction.
The thing is, I just had a sound in my head and now I’ve realized that I won’t be able to create that sound. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve been working so hard to make this project happen and now I discover that I can’t actually make it happen.
What am I even doing then???
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked myself that question. I’ve quit music more times than you can imagine, and it just leads me down a bad road.
The act of making music is so personal that roadblocks sometimes seem like insurmountable mountains. They lead to overwhelming feelings of self-doubt, most likely followed by unnecessarily large amounts of self-criticism. By the time I get to the end of this process, I’ve convinced myself that I’m the most worthless artist around, I don’t have anything to contribute to the world, and every second spent dedicated to music has been – and will continue to be – a waste of time.
I think it’s important to take the time to recognize those feelings and admit that I’m frustrated. But I think it’s also important to realize that maybe I’m being just a little bit hard on myself. From there, I need to find a way to move past these feelings. For me, it’s a bit of acceptance – OK, I can’t do that thing that I wanted to do so what am I actually going to do? Then it’s problem solving time; how am I going to make this thing work? Strangely enough, I actually kind of enjoy that problem solving process, so once I get here, I’ve kind of forgotten about the frustration and I’m having fun. Maybe I’m just weird that way. But you what? At least I’m moving forward.
At the end of the day, being put in this position could be the best thing for me. I may discover new insights about Afro-Cuban music that had never been apparent to me in the past. I might develop a completely new technical approach on the bass that could move me closer to the sound I hear in my head. My concept might even evolve into something new, exciting, and different – something I never imagined before. The very real possibility exists that my frustration could open new doors, leading to some absolutely beautiful music.
And you know what? Someday when I’m more experienced and insightful, maybe I’ll actually figure out a way to make the whole piano thing work on the bass. Or maybe I won’t. But I’ll still have created new music and that’s good enough for me. I know exactly what I’m doing.
Have you ever hit that wall and wondering what you were doing with your time? Let me know how you dealt with it in the comments!