I’m an avid podcast listener and I find a lot of inspiration from the folks who I follow on a regular basis. One of those people is Suz, who publishes the oustanding Music-Preneur Mindset Podcast.  This morning I listened to an interesting episode of Suz’s this morning that got me reflecting upon my past and looking forward in a new way. 

In episode 62, Suz talks about the difference between Pivoting and Ping-ponging, as well as the ways in which they can effect both your mindset and career.  Bree discusses pivoting as shifting priorities in your career or life through an intentional decision, informed by your own assessment of the situation, outside perspectives, and experience. PIng-Ponging is a more sporadic movement between priorities, inspired more by fear, overwhelm, or a simple lack of focus. As she explained these two ideas and provided examples, I saw both of these actions appearing regularly throughout my past. 

As a young musician, I absolutely loved creating music but the prospect of making a living financially was huge, overwhelming, and ultimately confusing.  College seemed like a good first step, so I immersed myself in my studies and grew into a solid player.  Instead of applying those skills, I quickly ping ponged into the scholarly field of ethnomusicology, putting me on the track to work in collegiate education. After I completed my Master’s Degree, I ping ponged once again out of the scholarly path and into the life of a working musician in San Francisco.  It was a long up hill road, but I had finally circled back around to the place that I wanted to be in life. So I stuck with it and started to see some success.

When my wife was pregnant with my oldest daughter, I made my first intentional pivot in life and decided to supplement my performing income with a classroom teaching position.  I was out late playing music and up early heading into my teaching job. I was often exhausted and sometimes a little spun, but I was happy. With a lot of hard work and a even more caffeine, I was able to balance these two worlds for a long time. 

Years later, some unexpected health issues in my family forced a huge pivot in my life. I needed to be at home, which meant that I had to lessen my performing schedule, eventually to nothing. Fortunately, my teaching income had gotten to a place where my family could make things work without the additional money from performing. But I was an artist. I couldn’t just stop making music. I was confused, upset, and extremely frustrated; I just didn’t know what to do.

My artistic life was in disarray, but I still enough clarity to make an intelligent pivot. I began focusing on composing original Latin Jazz at home and using my home recording set-up to produce tracks. It wasn’t perfect. I was creating jazz using computers, which meant that the very human element of jazz was replaced by MIDI. This format allowed me an option to continue evolving as a musician though. So I kept moving forward.

The result was my first album, Sketches Of Bass En Clave, a collection of nine songs, brought to life with a computer and my bass.  When I completed the album and put it out into the world, I felt like I had accomplished something big. That was shaded by the fact that I didn’t feel completely “real” because I had used MIDI instruments on a Latin Jazz album. It sounded good, but whenever the topic of MIDI arose, I felt a cloud float over my head. Nonetheless, it sold a little bit and started connecting me with people online.

While I was trying to figure out ways to get more people to listen to my music, I started writing about Latin Jazz on my blog. I got a lot of attention for my writing and people seemed to genuinely appreciate the support for the music.  I officially renamed my blog The Latin Jazz Corner and completely shifted my focus onto writing.  I was so confused with my direction that I ping ponged my priorities immediately, leaving my album – and my performing career – in the dust. 

I spent the next few years buried deep in my computer, doing interviews, writing album reviews, creating historical overviews, and more. I worked really hard and I made a difference in the Latin Jazz community.  I’m proud of the work that I did at Latin Jazz Corner and I’m glad I did it.  After a few years though, LJC got more painful with each post, as I realized that I was involved in the music but not playing it. 

I eventually became quite frustrated with The Latin Jazz Corner, and I wasn’t sure why I felt like that; so I ping ponged towards a more widely consumed topic, technology. I created yet another website – iOS Music And You. I wrote app reviews, instructional materials, and even created a fairly popular podcast. Again, I feel like I did good work and made an impactful contribution on the world of iOS music. I worked on the site for years, and near the end, I felt further from jazz than ever before.

The deeper I dived into both of these worlds, the damage from my ping ponging priorities became more apparent.  When I was working on iOS Music And You, I was abandoning the jazz community that was so important to my heart. When I was working on Latin Jazz Corner, I was involved in the music, but I was experiencing a painful degree of separation from performance. As my work got sloppier on both sites, I felt like I was disappointing both of these communities that I valued so highly. At the end of the day, I had abandoned my passion for making music and simply lost my way.

A couple of years ago, I stepped back and took a look at my creative endeavors. I asked myself some hard questions about what I really wanted to define my artistic life. I talked to my family and friends about music and it’s role in my life. I looked at potential outlets and compared them against my dreams. I tried new things. Finally, I stepped in a new direction. 

I made an intentional pivot back into my role as a performer, and I’m feeling more excited every day. Once again, my bass is in my hands, I’m writing music, I’m recording, and I’m performing live. I’ve never been happier as a musician, and I’m ready to tell everyone that I know. Honestly, my current path is a lot of work, but I’m loving every second of it. I feel conscious, inspired, and alive. 

Reflecting upon my past through the lens of pivoting versus ping ponging made me realize that I sacrificed a big chunk of my life to indecision. I remember these years fondly – I feel like I’ve grown as a human being through each piece of my story.  With each change in my priority though, I moved further away from my desire to actively perform music. This realization has helped me embrace this New Chapter of my performing career with even more vigor and excitement. 

Thank you Suz for the clarity provided through your excellent podcast!  If you’ve never heard Suz’s Music-Preneur Mindset Podcast check it out HERE – you’ll be glad you did!